real talk~

today, I can't sleep at all. I've been wondering, when will she on9, chat with me, n fill my night. I truly miss her. I miss all the times when we were together, miss her smiles, miss her laughters, her clumsiness, everything i missed! I regret that, when she on9, I went out that time, just to get a reload card, so i can call her. But, I got nothing in returns, just regret, that I'm not there when she contacted me, I'm not there, and I don't know whether that time she needs someone to talk to or anything. I promised her before, I will be everything she ever needed. Bestfriend, Boyfriend, Teacher, Prince Charming, in fact, everything! but, as day passed by, I think, I'm not capable of doing all of that at the same time. Now, my time, everything about me, I need to focus on studying. I wish she knows what I'm thinking, I wish she knows how much I love her, I wish she knows that even if tomorrow never comes. The clock is keep on ticking, I'm still waiting for her, whatever it is that I have to face, let it be. All I know is, she has to be here with me! She has to fill my loneliness, emptiness, and sickness. She is the only cure for everything.

Regards,
MM

~Wunsch~

well, things get better each day i guess.. got a mathematic test today.. it was not really perfect.. just that, certain questions, i forgot the way to solve it. clearly, got sooo much to study again!hehe.. i still remember that before this, whenever i can't really answer a question, depressed, and so stressed out, there was always someone to back me up. pick me up when i fall, heal my wounds when i'm hurt, but most of all, always be my companion. apart from my mom, my girl is the only one to do those things to me. God, I really missed them! If only they are here right by my side, I will never leave them. Now I know the feeling of being lonely, without the person we loved the most. I've had suffered from many things in the past. But not a single thing can be compared to this pain. But it's ok. I will only be here for the next 5 years. hopefully, i can finish me studies in time. so that i can start to feel the love all around me again. right now, I'm just a dead man, walking around with nowhere to go.

~some jerk~

Some might say that i am one of those kids who is lack of attention during childhood. Nevermind, I am who I am. And nothing can change that! And my mom is proud of me, because of who i am. She gave me all the attention I need while i was growing up. Now, I'm already a grown up adults. I have to make decision of my own, and make everything in my life on my own. can never blame anyone on whatever faulty i made. It's just me the one who to be blame. Well, that's not the main purpose of writing this blog this time.
I am actually really frustrated now. I know that my family, love and friends are ok. But, my life here is suck with one of my fucking friend. I personally think that he is the most fucked up person i have ever known! wait, who the hell is he actually? why he like to act like he is the goddess of everything? YOU'RE JUST LIKE US IDIOT! You're nothing better than us. Ok, fine, God granted you with a genius brain. But, that won't make you better than any of us. Deep inside, you're the boy, who didn't have enough love nor attention from your parent. Dude, you fucked me up here dude. I just, I promise myself, you will never be one of my friends. you'll be just an outsider. I don't know you. Let me tell you one thing. Whatever the God granted you with His graciousness in this very world, it won't last long dude. Someday, somewhen, God will take it all away from you. and when that day come, you will feel, how the world actually is. It's not a place for u only. It's a place for everyone else! That time, I don't know whether there will be someone who have a pity on you or not. Because right now, you truly are a jerk! A BLOODY JERK! so they may say! well2 stranger, let's see afterwards k?

~WHAT THE HELL???~

Before this, i wrote my blog in English. But now, I'm truly depressed with somebody, and I don't want to use polite words anymore. Allow me to use Malay this time, and all those stupid words.
k, first skali, ape masalah kau sial? asal kau ni jenis yg pentingkn diri sgt2? aku x faham ah dgn kau.. perangai kau tu mcm pukimak kau tau! babi pn aku rasa lagi elok dari perangai kau. asal kau xleh jadi mcm orang lain? betul, sometimes, aku sakit hati ugak ngn org lain. tapi, at least, benda tu just for a while jer. ni, ngn perangai kau ni, memang babi lancau ah kau setan. kau ingat skit, kita skrg dk kt negara org. mak bapak kau xder kat sini. apa2 jadi kat kau kt sini, kau ingt, direct smpai kt diorg ker? better if u be careful dipshit! aku memang, honestly, x tahan gila2 ngn perangai kau. apa2 yg kau buat, aku x kisah. tapi, jgn smpai kau nk ganggu plan aku sudah. ni, time aku wat paper, ader je kau nk wat smth! please ah bangang, tolong jaga urusan kau sendiri, n jangan menyusahkan hidup org lain boleh x? aku xnk ah nk gaduh2 ngn kau. aku mgkin x sepandai kau, tapi aku xkn sesekali jadi sama bodoh ngn kau! kau ingat, ape yg kau wat kt org kali ni,benda tu lah yg kau akan dapat nanti. aku nk tggu, tgk, sejauh mana kau boleh pegi sial. just, when the times come, i wont be the one who will pity on you. i will just stand back, n laugh as hard as i can! u deserve the treat! anyway, good luck ah dgn hidup kau. aku xkn kisah lagi ape nk jadi ngn kau. kau pegi ah rujuk kt org yg sanggup nk dgr masalah kau. FYI: I'm no longer ur friend nor enemies. I'm just an outsider. Do what you want, as you want, DON'T EVER DISTURB ME N MY LIFE EVER AGAIN! FUCK OFF ASSHOLE! BITCH!