~memoirs~

There are things in this world that just can't be replaced by others, everyone has their own valuables, so do I. As I said before, I valued friendship n family the most. And they are things that I can't replace with no other. Back in high school, I let my self create loads of memories with my friends. Most of them are not really appropriate for us, but they are my sweet memories with my friends. One thing I remembered the most, is that, just before our SPM exams, I stayed in hostel for a couple days. Those are the glorious days of my life. Did many bad things with my friends, but the only thing that was caught is we pranked girls from our class. It was a stupid thing to do actually, but we enjoyed it! collecting frogs after midnight, put them in a gift box, wrapped them nicely, and final step: put them on the girl's tables. Next day, girls from our class cried because of that, and I was their target, I don't know how they could say that, but yeah, I'm bad!haha.. And that day, the whole day, I and my bestie budd: Khairul, were grounded in teacher's room.. even the principal came and talked to us, told us many things like: you are still young, you have to get a grip of yourself, be a better man, be a leader, blah, blah n blah... we were just laughing that time. we enjoyed being tortured by the teachers. we even asked for more.. teachers really mad at us that time.. Now, whenever I contacted a teacher, the only story about me that they still remember, is that story. And they always said, school is never the same without you guys.. well, high school is just one chapter of life. And that time, I tried so hard just to destroy the school! Teachers, friends, no matter how hard i tried, they never really care about it.. they just said: naughty kid, trying to create troubles.. Now, I wish I had more time at school, experience everything all over again, be a LEGEND!haha..
GUYS,TEACHERS, sorry for troubling you all with my stupidity! Sumimasen!

~PAIN~

Before coming here, I thought that my life's gonna change, everything will be different from what I've experienced back in Malaysia. But nothing seems to change, not even a bit. I wish I have my best friends with me now, I really need them. My family, Mom, Dad, my achik, they know how to cheer me up when I'm sad, they know how I feels, they will stay by my side, even when I'm in deep shit. These guys don't really know how to make friends with others. All they care about is that, they live everyday, they are happy, and they got what they wanted. That's all that they think about. I don't know how they valued friendship. What is friendship actually? To me, it is something, more like FAMILY LOVE. You shared everything, sadness, happiness, ups and downs, easy to say, everything you shared! That is exactly what I did to them! And how exactly they repay me? The black sheep of this FRIENDSHIP! Haa, so called best friends, my family in German, we shared everything, fuck it! Now, the only thing that keeps me strong is that, the advice from my inspiration! He once said to me "Son, in Life, there's many bad things than good things. You have to go through the hardships, to get something better. And it is not only in studies, or work, but also in social life. So, I want you to be like water. Water always get through any obstacles! take for examples, waterfalls. to get to the ocean, it passed through rocks, mountains, soils, n everything! but in the end, it reached its goal: SEA. it is the strongest thing on earth. So, be like water son".So, that is what i do right now. Be like water, face any challenge! In order to get to my goals in Life. It's just that, sometimes, it hurts so bad. I'm not the kind that write a blog like a diary, but I don't know where else I can express my feelings. There's no one here to listen to my probs. Back in Malaysia, everyone's busy with their own life. I have no rights to disturb them. So, I write this blog, and express what I felt, just to calm down myself.

real talk~

today, I can't sleep at all. I've been wondering, when will she on9, chat with me, n fill my night. I truly miss her. I miss all the times when we were together, miss her smiles, miss her laughters, her clumsiness, everything i missed! I regret that, when she on9, I went out that time, just to get a reload card, so i can call her. But, I got nothing in returns, just regret, that I'm not there when she contacted me, I'm not there, and I don't know whether that time she needs someone to talk to or anything. I promised her before, I will be everything she ever needed. Bestfriend, Boyfriend, Teacher, Prince Charming, in fact, everything! but, as day passed by, I think, I'm not capable of doing all of that at the same time. Now, my time, everything about me, I need to focus on studying. I wish she knows what I'm thinking, I wish she knows how much I love her, I wish she knows that even if tomorrow never comes. The clock is keep on ticking, I'm still waiting for her, whatever it is that I have to face, let it be. All I know is, she has to be here with me! She has to fill my loneliness, emptiness, and sickness. She is the only cure for everything.

Regards,
MM

~Wunsch~

well, things get better each day i guess.. got a mathematic test today.. it was not really perfect.. just that, certain questions, i forgot the way to solve it. clearly, got sooo much to study again!hehe.. i still remember that before this, whenever i can't really answer a question, depressed, and so stressed out, there was always someone to back me up. pick me up when i fall, heal my wounds when i'm hurt, but most of all, always be my companion. apart from my mom, my girl is the only one to do those things to me. God, I really missed them! If only they are here right by my side, I will never leave them. Now I know the feeling of being lonely, without the person we loved the most. I've had suffered from many things in the past. But not a single thing can be compared to this pain. But it's ok. I will only be here for the next 5 years. hopefully, i can finish me studies in time. so that i can start to feel the love all around me again. right now, I'm just a dead man, walking around with nowhere to go.

~some jerk~

Some might say that i am one of those kids who is lack of attention during childhood. Nevermind, I am who I am. And nothing can change that! And my mom is proud of me, because of who i am. She gave me all the attention I need while i was growing up. Now, I'm already a grown up adults. I have to make decision of my own, and make everything in my life on my own. can never blame anyone on whatever faulty i made. It's just me the one who to be blame. Well, that's not the main purpose of writing this blog this time.
I am actually really frustrated now. I know that my family, love and friends are ok. But, my life here is suck with one of my fucking friend. I personally think that he is the most fucked up person i have ever known! wait, who the hell is he actually? why he like to act like he is the goddess of everything? YOU'RE JUST LIKE US IDIOT! You're nothing better than us. Ok, fine, God granted you with a genius brain. But, that won't make you better than any of us. Deep inside, you're the boy, who didn't have enough love nor attention from your parent. Dude, you fucked me up here dude. I just, I promise myself, you will never be one of my friends. you'll be just an outsider. I don't know you. Let me tell you one thing. Whatever the God granted you with His graciousness in this very world, it won't last long dude. Someday, somewhen, God will take it all away from you. and when that day come, you will feel, how the world actually is. It's not a place for u only. It's a place for everyone else! That time, I don't know whether there will be someone who have a pity on you or not. Because right now, you truly are a jerk! A BLOODY JERK! so they may say! well2 stranger, let's see afterwards k?

~WHAT THE HELL???~

Before this, i wrote my blog in English. But now, I'm truly depressed with somebody, and I don't want to use polite words anymore. Allow me to use Malay this time, and all those stupid words.
k, first skali, ape masalah kau sial? asal kau ni jenis yg pentingkn diri sgt2? aku x faham ah dgn kau.. perangai kau tu mcm pukimak kau tau! babi pn aku rasa lagi elok dari perangai kau. asal kau xleh jadi mcm orang lain? betul, sometimes, aku sakit hati ugak ngn org lain. tapi, at least, benda tu just for a while jer. ni, ngn perangai kau ni, memang babi lancau ah kau setan. kau ingat skit, kita skrg dk kt negara org. mak bapak kau xder kat sini. apa2 jadi kat kau kt sini, kau ingt, direct smpai kt diorg ker? better if u be careful dipshit! aku memang, honestly, x tahan gila2 ngn perangai kau. apa2 yg kau buat, aku x kisah. tapi, jgn smpai kau nk ganggu plan aku sudah. ni, time aku wat paper, ader je kau nk wat smth! please ah bangang, tolong jaga urusan kau sendiri, n jangan menyusahkan hidup org lain boleh x? aku xnk ah nk gaduh2 ngn kau. aku mgkin x sepandai kau, tapi aku xkn sesekali jadi sama bodoh ngn kau! kau ingat, ape yg kau wat kt org kali ni,benda tu lah yg kau akan dapat nanti. aku nk tggu, tgk, sejauh mana kau boleh pegi sial. just, when the times come, i wont be the one who will pity on you. i will just stand back, n laugh as hard as i can! u deserve the treat! anyway, good luck ah dgn hidup kau. aku xkn kisah lagi ape nk jadi ngn kau. kau pegi ah rujuk kt org yg sanggup nk dgr masalah kau. FYI: I'm no longer ur friend nor enemies. I'm just an outsider. Do what you want, as you want, DON'T EVER DISTURB ME N MY LIFE EVER AGAIN! FUCK OFF ASSHOLE! BITCH!

~Dipshit~

some might say that they do believe in Happiness and luck. Most of them, it's just a dream. And as we already know, not all dreams will become reality someday. In most cases, not a single dream becomes reality. what is my beliefs? I don't quite sure about it. But, as far as I'm concerned, it matters not what we planned, what we wanted, what we dreamed of, it will only be achieved if the FATE is on our side. No matter how hard we try to capture the dream, if we are not meant to be in that dream, we can never achieve it. Since I was a little kid, the only dream that I managed to get is only being loved by someone who I really love. But then, now I have to suffer the pain of losing it. All the things, loves, feelings, happiness that i dreamed of before, I can only feel it for a little while. It didn't last long. Now, I wish that I have the power to control the time. I wanna do it, feel it again. I used to sing a happy song, composed many songs, but that was only when I'm with her. Without her, nothing seems real to me. I lost the melody to my music. Now, I'm pretty much like Mister Vampire. He doesn't want to hurt anybody, he just wants to be friends with everyone, feels the love in his life, and feel the happiness. But, others won't give it to him. They all think that he doesn't deserve the Love. Well, love is not a thing that you can play with. Once you feel it, you have to grab hold of it, and never ever let it go. Who cares about the future? Just try it as long as you can. When it is not the perfect one for you, the time will come, where you will have to let it go. And that is what a life is. Taking chances without concerning about the consequences. You will be satisfied with what you have, if you take full enjoyment or excitement while you still have it.
Well then, better luck next time. Gambate des!